theres been a lingering sadness this week, in the past two days. isn’t it hard to move past something when, even if you’re not trying to think about it, you often end up, in fact, thinking about it?
its a situation i was angry towards for a while. i was angry at how things had transpired. but recently my anger has shifted to sadness, and i’m sure that sadness will eventually move on to acceptance of the situation, but isn’t it hard? to dwell on something so much, even if you’re not trying to?
its a weird feeling for me. usually I’m very rational about my feelings, even though feelings, by nature, are irrational. but this time, reason has gone to the wayside and I’m learning that the things i am inevitably feeling need to be felt in their fullness.
its hard. sadness is not a feeling anyone is content with. its not a feeling that is welcome by many, but that is where I’m at. I’m trying to encounter the sadness, as it comes in waves, and fully recognize those feelings as valid and necessary, even though at times i would rather avoid them (like the times i feel like i might cry in public.)
but i am positive things will be better, i am encouraged by friends that things will be better. but for right now, i’m accepting the sadness, and giving it the contemplation and time it requires.
WRITTEN ON SEPTEMBER 27th 2017